RAMON PRESSON: My next can’t-miss, get-rich-quick plan


RAMON PRESSON: My next can’t-miss, get-rich-quick plan

By RAMON PRESSON

The reason I seek to develop multiple streams of income is because I have multiple leaks of spending. My current stroke of genius is to bridge the gap between two culinary cultures, merging a tradition from each of them into one item that will delight customers and make me filthy rich — either via residuals from sales or from winning a huge lawsuit against a large corporation or a small business owner for stealing my idea.

Here it is. I take the inspirational insert from the traditional fortune cookie which has less taste than a Styrofoam cup and place it instead inside a fresh baked Southern buttermilk biscuit. And voila! The fortune biscuit.

Divine Timing

And the time is right for this. Because in 2017, Donald Lau, the “Chief Fortune Writer” for Wonton Foods, the world’s largest manufacturer of fortune cookies, abruptly quit. After 30 years of perhaps the world’s cushiest job, Lau ran out of ideas. Lau told Time magazine, “I used to write 100 a year, but I’ve written only two or three a month over the last year.” That’s one serious case of writer’s block. Actually, it’s pretty pathetic if you really want my opinion.

Inspired Writing

Well, Donald Lau, you can pass me the torch because I don’t get writer’s block. Plus, I have a different style for the fortunes found inside my fortune biscuits.

Here are just some examples of the inspiring and moving messages that will be found inside Ramon’s flaky fortune biscuits.

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*Your career will soon be looking up. Because now that it’s hit rock bottom there’s nowhere for it to go but up.

*Trust your instincts today and see where it takes you. And plan on hiring a good lawyer.

*An interesting development is coming right around the corner. Btw, is your car insurance paid up?

*A new love is trying to come into your life. Unfortunately, your wife says you can’t have a bass boat.

*One of your dreams is about to come true — that terrifying one where you’re in public and you suddenly realize that you’re completely naked.

*You wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you knew how seldom they’re thinking about you at all.

*You’ll soon be meeting someone who’ll be opening some big doors for you. Because you’ll be wearing handcuffs.

*When you’re struggling, just remember that things usually seem a little dark just before it goes totally pitch black.

*Don’t fear that true love has passed you by. It’s actually so far behind that it probably won’t even catch up to you.

*Opportunity will come knocking on your door today. Are you familiar with the Jehovah’s Witnesses?

*Money can’t buy happiness so look into renting it month to month.

*Sometimes we wait and wait, and our ship finally comes in…but gets stuck a half-mile out on a sandbar.

*Maybe the person you need most to forgive is yourself, especially if you’ve run out of other people to blame.

*Take heart. Technically you’re not being paranoid if people really are out to get you.

*Grace and love can erase many past mistakes. But that unfortunate tattoo will probably be with you for life.

*The attitude of gratitude will determine your altitude and latitude. On the other hand, whining and complaining never killed anyone.

*Don’t be discouraged that you’re not living up to your potential. Most people are actually amazed that you’ve made it this far.

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Because I believe Ramon’s Flaky Fortune Biscuits are going to be a viral hit and will sell out faster than Mitch McConnell on a Senate bill, I’m inviting locals Loveless Café, Biscuit Love and Monell’s into a bidding war with national chains Cracker Barrel and Biscuitville for my innovation. Call now! Operators (me and my wife) are standing by to receive your offer.

P.S. I realize that my previous brilliant idea of merging two hot literary genres into one didn’t take off like I hoped. I really thought Random House would jump at the chance to publish my entire series of Amish Vampire romance novels.

Ramon Presson, PhD, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Franklin (www.ramonpressontherapy.com) and the author of several books. Reach him at ramonpresson@gmail.com. To read Presson’s previous columns go to www.franklinhomepage.com/?s=ramon+presson

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