JULIE HOLT: The Lighter Side


JULIE HOLT: The Lighter Side

In the spirit of modern American ambition and values, I am considering bringing a very large lawsuit against all cable companies operating in the US.

Over the weekend we incurred a great deal of damage as a direct result of their overpriced services and poor customer relations. My house has been demolished, my husband is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, all three of my children are in need of psychiatric care. Even my dog is feeling neglected as a result of the appalling business model of cable television.

I’m sure you’ll need some clarification on how an entity could wreak such havoc on one regular, hard-working family, and I’d love to help you see why the Holts will surely be multi-millionaires when the judge hears our tragic tale.

About a year ago, Hubby and I were reviewing our household budget, and we realized that our cable, internet and phone bills combined were equal to the gross domestic product of Liechtenstein. We considered ways to save, and we changed our phone plan and decided we should cut the cord on cable.

We called our cable provider and learned that we were in a contract for another year. We decided to wait the year rather than pay the extortion to get out of the contract. One week ago, Hubby called and cancelled the service, and we were prepared to use other means of getting television programming.

Between Netflix, streaming, Amazon Prime and DVDs, we felt like almost everything was covered. The final element that would fill in all the crucial gaps of cable viewing was the antenna for local channels.

When this large piece of equipment arrived, Hubby set out to find the best placement for maximum channel reception. He determined that the north-facing end of the attic was ideal. After several trips up and down the attic stairs, much tiptoeing around insulation and balancing on joists, hubby made one wrong step and found his lower body dangling from the ceiling 12 feet above the stairs, while his upper body was still in the attic.

 

My children heard the crash, and rushed to the stairs to discover a pile of drywall and insulation on the floor, and their father’s Nikes attached to his dust-covered legs, disappearing into the ceiling.

Because of the amount of insulation raining down from the hole, our dog had to be banished to the backyard for the remainder of the afternoon, her only entertainment barking at every dry leaf that blew by outside of the fence.

The repairing of the hole required the rest of the day, and will have to continue for several days as layers of drywall putty dry and are sanded and painted. While Hubby was sawing and spackling and cleaning, I was on solo kid duty for the second day in a row.

If that’s not worthy of being paid damages, I don’t know what is.

You see, if cable companies didn’t charge so much and then treat us so badly, we wouldn’t have felt compelled to try to save a few dollars with a digital antenna. If we hadn’t felt forced to look for a cheaper option, there might not be a man-sized hole in my ceiling or children who now refuse to go upstairs because they think they will fall through the floor of the second story of our house. If it weren’t for the greed of these cable CEOs, I might have spent my Sunday on the back porch, reading a book with my dog at my side, instead of explaining to a four-year-old that no bugs, birds or monsters will come through that hole to get us.

Does anybody know a good lawyer?

Overheard at the Salon: “I didn’t buy it, I got it from a dead hoarder!”

Julie Holt is a wife, mother of three, writer and suffers from chronic road rage. She loves to keep it real, but she is not lit or woke. Actually, she’s pretty basic. Her hobbies include naps, pizza and writing about herself in the third person. You can read Julie’s blog at jholtwriting.com or follow her on Facebook @julieslighterside.

About The Author

Julie Holt is a wife, mother of three, writer and suffers from chronic road rage. She loves to keep it real, but she is not lit or woke. Actually, she’s pretty basic. Her hobbies include naps, pizza and writing about herself in the third person. You can read Julie’s blog at jholtwriting.com or follow her on Facebook @julieslighterside.

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