JULIE HOLT: The Lighter Side


JULIE HOLT: The Lighter Side

I think we have already established that I am hopelessly behind the times. Even a couple of years ago, I demonstrated my ignorance of current best practices on having a fun night out.

Millennials and hipsters have planted their flag in Nashville and the rest of us are along for the ride. Hubby and I once again attempted to be cool, trendy young people for a date night. As always, I learned that I have been doing some very basic things entirely wrong, and I thank the goat yoga gods that there are some benevolent millennials to show me the error of my ways.

Our night out started as all do, threatening the kids with horrible consequences for bad behavior with the sitter. Then we cursed 6pm traffic in Thompson’s Station as we tried to make our way to East Nashville.

We finally arrived to meet our friends at a restaurant which shall remain nameless, but be assured it is a trendy place that is highly regarded and recommended. When the server discovered that none of us had dined there before, she was very kind to enlighten us on the menu and how the restaurant worked.

Now, I don’t know about y’all, but I have been eating in restaurants and ordering for myself for almost three decades. I feel pretty good about my restaurant skills. But did you know that it is now très gauche to expect to look at the menu, find something that looks yummy and order it?

Friends, the cultured millennial is here to show us that we have been doing it wrong all this time — it’s actually a miracle that humans aren’t extinct because of our ineptitude at “working through a menu.”

That’s right, you don’t just order, you have to keep your menu and peruse it while you eat endless small plates and things on sticks before you get to the main course that you went there for. And don’t expect everyone’s food to arrive at the same time — oh no, everything comes out “whenever it’s ready.” So if you planned to eat your meat and veggies together, forget it. That’s what old idiots do.

All of these new ways of restaurant eating were surprising, but we actually fared pretty well. Despite our challenges through the ordering process, the food was good and the company was fantastic. But the final straw that made my old fashioned, unenlightened head explode was the “No Takeout” policy.

The food that I ordered, and paid for, turned out to not be mine at all! We were told that under no circumstances were we allowed to take our leftovers home because it’s a “quality issue.” Let me ask you something, dear friends. When is the last time you wrote a bad review or complained to a restaurant manager that “my food was great when you cooked it, but then I brought it home and warmed it up in the microwave two days later and it just wasn’t as tasty.”  

The reason for this rule is because this type of fare “is meant to be eaten hot and fresh.” Hey, you know what? So is EVERY COOKED FOOD ON THE PLANET. But clearly we were dining somewhere much cooler than any other restaurant that exists.

So I’d just like to thank the hipster millennial community for confirming my decision to plan my next date night at the burger joint down the street and saving my hard-earned dollars for a suitable lame old person activity like bowling… or shuffleboard.

Overheard at the Salon: “It was the worst fight I’ve ever seen! They just hugged for thirty minutes, then that one guy fell down.”

Julie Holt is a wife, mother of three, writer and suffers from chronic road rage. She loves to keep it real, but she is not lit or woke. Actually, she’s pretty basic. Her hobbies include naps, pizza and writing about herself in the third person. You can read Julie’s blog at jholtwriting.com or follow her on Facebook @julieslighterside.

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